Sharing and Turn Taking: How to teach?

Last post, I discussed about the importance of sharing and turn taking and how some children might have difficulties following thorugh with these skills. Today, I am going to go further and suggest some strategies on how to inculcate these skills.

Sharing
Establishing sharing as a habit is one of the most common and unobtrusive way to teach a child about sharing. Allowing the child to understand that sharing occurs everyday in life helps her to ease into the habit of sharing and giving.

1) When it is meal time, put the child's favorite food on a common plate from which everyone share.

2) When offering the child a piece of goodie, ask the child if you can have a bit too. Do this consistently but not persistently. Once child is comfortale most of the time agreeing to share, even with a third or fourth person, lower the frequency of asking to the minimal of just occasional.

3) Let child see others sharing their food - dad is giving a slice of his steak to mum. 

4) Whenever you are eating something that you know your child might like, ask her if she wants some and if she does, tell her that you are going to share with her. Always pair the word "sharing" with the action of giving to make the idea of sharing more concrete for the child.

5) Praise the child for sharing although you might want to fade that social prompt over time to make sharing look more natural than demanded.

When a child is reluctant to share, be patient and demonstrate to her the importance of and fun in sharing. Some children are more reluctant than others but that does not mean that they can never learn to share. Sharing is a habit that can be established over time so do not give up on teaching them this essential and fundamental skill.

Turn Taking
Teaching "my turn" versus "your turn" is probably one of the most popular strategies used to teach turn taking. However, at times it can be rather tricky teaching this concept as some children get mixed up over the rules of possessions ("my" versus "your") easily. Thus phase by phase teaching of "my" versus "your" may be advisable at times depending on the child's level of understanding.

Thus, start by teaching "my turn". Allow child to see that the person who says "my turn" gets to play with the toy. There may be instances when a child identify "my turn" as "only me". Physical and  gestural prompt may be needed at this stage - "no, (gently push hand of child away) my turn (pat yourself on the chest then take your turn on the toy. The child's is prevented from touching the toy while you play with the toy)". Then immediately after you had your turn, prompt the child to express it is his turn and push the toy towards him to gesture to him that it is his turn to play. Once child is able to understand that whoever says "my turn" gets to play, then it might be easier to teach the child to express "your turn".

I think that should be enough information for the time being. If you however want more suggestions such as on how to further teach the concept of "your turn", please do not hesistate to email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.

Till then, please do come visit this blog for more information and teaching ideas!

Sharing and Turn Taking

Sharing and turn taking form another part of our daily lives whether we like them or not. To form and maintain social relationships, we have to share and turn take. Sharing and turn taking often go hand in hand because sharing leads to turn taking. For example, if we want to share a toy, we have to take turns with one another to play with it.

Children with autism often find difficulty sharing and taking turns.

Why is it that children with autism (or even children in general) have difficulty understanding the process of turn taking?

1) It could just be a phase of growing up. Not just children with autism but most children in general may not see the necessity of waiting for something that they want - "if you want something, just take it". The ego of a child does not consider the feelings of others no matter how one may reason with them. This is just a phase of growing up developmentally for children. but this does not mean that we let it be, dismissing the behaviour as something that could right itself over time. the right behaviour should be shaped over time so that the child does not fall into the habit of not wanting to share or turn take because all this while nobody has taught her the importance of doing so.

2) The child is too impatient to delay gratification. This is sort of like the above reason but the child has grown out the stage of not wanting to share and turn take by now. At this stage, the child has developed a habit of instantly having what they want as they learned that they can get what they want if they want.

3) Sharing and turn taking are very abstract ideas. If I give my toy to another boy, will I be able to get it back if I want to? how long do I have to wait until I get my toy back?

4) Because the concepts of sharing and turn taking are abstract for the child, she finds little to no meaning in sharing. Also as children with autism usually do not find social interaction intrinsically rewarding or outwardly exciting, sharing and turn taking become of lesser value to them as compared to having their favourite toys all to themselves.

5) Thus turn taking is a concept that requires certain prerequisites  to make it meaningful for the child. Learning to wait and understanding the theory of "my turn (I play)" versus "your turn (you play) are essential in making turn taking seem and feel more concrete to the child.

6) Empathy. Sharing and turn taking requires a certain degree of empathy and the emotions associated with it. Children with autism who are mostly already having difficulty understanding and expressing their own emotion might thus find the needs and wants of others irrelevant.

7) The idea of possession. Why do I have to pass my toy to another boy? It is my toy!

8) Thus rigidity might be the issue as well - "Mum packed the cookies for me, not for anyone else. It is wrong to let other people eat them because they are for me".

There are more than the above reasons as to why children with autism do not share or turn take. It is often fundamental to observe the child very closely so as to identify the causes of such behaviour. It is also important to not label a child as "selfish" or "greedy" just because he is unwilling to share or turn take. All of us as we were growing up learn or were taught to share and turn take one way or another, directly by adults or indirectly by circumstances. Thus children with autism are no exception in that they too need to be taught how to, although the lessons may need to be modified at times.

Next post (jump to post by clicking here), I shall suggests some ideas and strategies for teaching turn taking and to encourage sharing. If you do have any counts and suggestions before that, please email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.