Sharing and Turn Taking: How to teach?

Last post, I discussed about the importance of sharing and turn taking and how some children might have difficulties following thorugh with these skills. Today, I am going to go further and suggest some strategies on how to inculcate these skills.

Sharing
Establishing sharing as a habit is one of the most common and unobtrusive way to teach a child about sharing. Allowing the child to understand that sharing occurs everyday in life helps her to ease into the habit of sharing and giving.

1) When it is meal time, put the child's favorite food on a common plate from which everyone share.

2) When offering the child a piece of goodie, ask the child if you can have a bit too. Do this consistently but not persistently. Once child is comfortale most of the time agreeing to share, even with a third or fourth person, lower the frequency of asking to the minimal of just occasional.

3) Let child see others sharing their food - dad is giving a slice of his steak to mum. 

4) Whenever you are eating something that you know your child might like, ask her if she wants some and if she does, tell her that you are going to share with her. Always pair the word "sharing" with the action of giving to make the idea of sharing more concrete for the child.

5) Praise the child for sharing although you might want to fade that social prompt over time to make sharing look more natural than demanded.

When a child is reluctant to share, be patient and demonstrate to her the importance of and fun in sharing. Some children are more reluctant than others but that does not mean that they can never learn to share. Sharing is a habit that can be established over time so do not give up on teaching them this essential and fundamental skill.

Turn Taking
Teaching "my turn" versus "your turn" is probably one of the most popular strategies used to teach turn taking. However, at times it can be rather tricky teaching this concept as some children get mixed up over the rules of possessions ("my" versus "your") easily. Thus phase by phase teaching of "my" versus "your" may be advisable at times depending on the child's level of understanding.

Thus, start by teaching "my turn". Allow child to see that the person who says "my turn" gets to play with the toy. There may be instances when a child identify "my turn" as "only me". Physical and  gestural prompt may be needed at this stage - "no, (gently push hand of child away) my turn (pat yourself on the chest then take your turn on the toy. The child's is prevented from touching the toy while you play with the toy)". Then immediately after you had your turn, prompt the child to express it is his turn and push the toy towards him to gesture to him that it is his turn to play. Once child is able to understand that whoever says "my turn" gets to play, then it might be easier to teach the child to express "your turn".

I think that should be enough information for the time being. If you however want more suggestions such as on how to further teach the concept of "your turn", please do not hesistate to email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.

Till then, please do come visit this blog for more information and teaching ideas!

Sharing and Turn Taking

Sharing and turn taking form another part of our daily lives whether we like them or not. To form and maintain social relationships, we have to share and turn take. Sharing and turn taking often go hand in hand because sharing leads to turn taking. For example, if we want to share a toy, we have to take turns with one another to play with it.

Children with autism often find difficulty sharing and taking turns.

Why is it that children with autism (or even children in general) have difficulty understanding the process of turn taking?

1) It could just be a phase of growing up. Not just children with autism but most children in general may not see the necessity of waiting for something that they want - "if you want something, just take it". The ego of a child does not consider the feelings of others no matter how one may reason with them. This is just a phase of growing up developmentally for children. but this does not mean that we let it be, dismissing the behaviour as something that could right itself over time. the right behaviour should be shaped over time so that the child does not fall into the habit of not wanting to share or turn take because all this while nobody has taught her the importance of doing so.

2) The child is too impatient to delay gratification. This is sort of like the above reason but the child has grown out the stage of not wanting to share and turn take by now. At this stage, the child has developed a habit of instantly having what they want as they learned that they can get what they want if they want.

3) Sharing and turn taking are very abstract ideas. If I give my toy to another boy, will I be able to get it back if I want to? how long do I have to wait until I get my toy back?

4) Because the concepts of sharing and turn taking are abstract for the child, she finds little to no meaning in sharing. Also as children with autism usually do not find social interaction intrinsically rewarding or outwardly exciting, sharing and turn taking become of lesser value to them as compared to having their favourite toys all to themselves.

5) Thus turn taking is a concept that requires certain prerequisites  to make it meaningful for the child. Learning to wait and understanding the theory of "my turn (I play)" versus "your turn (you play) are essential in making turn taking seem and feel more concrete to the child.

6) Empathy. Sharing and turn taking requires a certain degree of empathy and the emotions associated with it. Children with autism who are mostly already having difficulty understanding and expressing their own emotion might thus find the needs and wants of others irrelevant.

7) The idea of possession. Why do I have to pass my toy to another boy? It is my toy!

8) Thus rigidity might be the issue as well - "Mum packed the cookies for me, not for anyone else. It is wrong to let other people eat them because they are for me".

There are more than the above reasons as to why children with autism do not share or turn take. It is often fundamental to observe the child very closely so as to identify the causes of such behaviour. It is also important to not label a child as "selfish" or "greedy" just because he is unwilling to share or turn take. All of us as we were growing up learn or were taught to share and turn take one way or another, directly by adults or indirectly by circumstances. Thus children with autism are no exception in that they too need to be taught how to, although the lessons may need to be modified at times.

Next post (jump to post by clicking here), I shall suggests some ideas and strategies for teaching turn taking and to encourage sharing. If you do have any counts and suggestions before that, please email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.

Social skills and concept: Why Your Child Needs to Learn Them and How

This post, I am going to discuss some of the challenges faced by children with autism during activities in group settings. This is an important topic to address as very often, parents and caregivers are faced with the frustrating question as to why their children are not interacting 'appropriately' with the rest of their peers or classmates.

Very often, children with autism have difficulty coping in group settings that require them to keep up with the social cues and rules accompanying the activities. Various behaviors ranging from non-response to temperamental meltdowns are then observed within the setting. Parents become worried and anxious about the fact that their children not keeping up with their peers or that their children's difficult behaviours are "not normal". Teachers who observe such behaviour over a period of time may also suggest pulling the child out from the group for the benefit of the smooth running of future sessions. This can then result in further frustration and helplessness felt by the parents as they are quite certain for now that their children do not "fit in" with the rest of their peers.

Why Do Children With Autism Behave in this manner?

Many children with autism require time and patience, to be gradually eased into a setting for group activities by being taught the social rules, cues and skills not easily understood by them. Many social skills that are easily picked up by people who are neurotypically developed are often taken for granted. Most adults think that "if  I am able to do this when I was this age, then my child must have no problem doing it too". However, very often, we as adult do not understand autism as well as we should or wish to.

Many children with autism are easily affected by the disruption of routine and group activities usually increase the possibility of such situation as there are many people doing a few different things simultaneously. A child with autism might find that he has little control over the situation as compared to when all the classmates are sitting at their own desk listening to the teacher and following instructions. 

The child may be experiencing  sensory problems or distractions. The noise of an activity group such as children chattering and voices exchanging feedbacks across the room might be too disturbing for the child's sensitive sense of hearing or perhaps too much movement of people around him may cause discomfort and thus a sense of insecurity.

The child may also be experiencing a feeling of inadequacy. Not being able to understand social cues and rules as quickly as the other children do might cause a sense of insecurity within the child leading to frustration and emotional meltdown.

The child might just dislike being in a social setting or a setting that is too crowded for his liking and he does not know how to express his dissatisfaction. It could be a learned behaviour to cry and struggle before saying "No, I don't want to do this" for verbal children but when probed further as to why, their limited range of vocabulary  and the lack of emotion understanding often hinder them in adequately expressing how they are feeling at that moment. In this case, they are being termed as being "difficult" and thus leading to more feeling of frustrations as the adults fail to take further steps in understanding how the child feels exactly. Or for a non-verbal child, crying and struggling would usually be a common way for them to say no. Of course, there are also the non-responsive children who choose non-violence as a form of protest!

What Can We Do to Encourage Learning of Social Skills?

Parents and caregivers can teach the basics at home. Very often, a child can learn effective, basic social concept in the home setting with the participation of his or her parents and caregivers. As the home is less intimidating than an outside setting such as the school, the child can practice following social rules and cues at home before venturing into more demanding settings such as a small size social group catering to children with special needs or bringing the child into the community such as the park so that he or she may have more chances of interaction with other children. However, rememer that patience is key and the child needs to be gradually eased into group settings, no matter how small the size or how casual the nature.

Parents and caregivers can play games with the child at home to teach social skills and concept. Have the child's silings or other children relatives to join in the fun. Have other adults to join in the games. However, please be reminded again to begin slow. Start by playing with one adult, then two and gradually introduce more participants into the play. The increase in people participation could be over a few days, weeks or even months. Do not rush. The most important aspect is to keep the child engaged and interested.

Games are a fun way to teach different concepts to children with or without autism. However, according to the child's understanding level and coping capacity, format and rules of games should be tweaked at times.

Why is playing games important?

1) Teaches the child to follow basic rules and instructions.

2) Teaches basic turn taking which is another essential skill in everyday living for everyone no matter what age. We will discuss more about turn taking for our next topic.

3) Practices concentration skills.

4) Prepares the child for social interaction through understanding of and response to social cues.

5) Trains reaction time and speed of response.

6) Works on visual spatial and receptive skill.

7) Teaches reciprocity such as turn taking and role reversal.

8) Prepares the child towards a routine that is more school structured like. For example in Kindergarten or child care where there are more group based activities such as games and 'music and movement'.

That is all for now about learning and teaching social concepts. I shall discuss more about this in future posts. So do keep coming back to visit to find out more. If you have any suggestions or feedback regarding today's and past posts, please email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com. Please do visit my website www.triumphantkids.com for the services I provide as well.