Sharing and turn taking form another part of our daily lives whether we like them or not. To form and maintain social relationships, we have to share and turn take. Sharing and turn taking often go hand in hand because sharing leads to turn taking. For example, if we want to share a toy, we have to take turns with one another to play with it.
Children with autism often find difficulty sharing and taking turns.
Why is it that children with autism (or even children in general) have difficulty understanding the process of turn taking?
1) It could just be a phase of growing up. Not just children with autism but most children in general may not see the necessity of waiting for something that they want - "if you want something, just take it". The ego of a child does not consider the feelings of others no matter how one may reason with them. This is just a phase of growing up developmentally for children. but this does not mean that we let it be, dismissing the behaviour as something that could right itself over time. the right behaviour should be shaped over time so that the child does not fall into the habit of not wanting to share or turn take because all this while nobody has taught her the importance of doing so.
2) The child is too impatient to delay gratification. This is sort of like the above reason but the child has grown out the stage of not wanting to share and turn take by now. At this stage, the child has developed a habit of instantly having what they want as they learned that they can get what they want if they want.
3) Sharing and turn taking are very abstract ideas. If I give my toy to another boy, will I be able to get it back if I want to? how long do I have to wait until I get my toy back?
4) Because the concepts of sharing and turn taking are abstract for the child, she finds little to no meaning in sharing. Also as children with autism usually do not find social interaction intrinsically rewarding or outwardly exciting, sharing and turn taking become of lesser value to them as compared to having their favourite toys all to themselves.
5) Thus turn taking is a concept that requires certain prerequisites to make it meaningful for the child. Learning to wait and understanding the theory of "my turn (I play)" versus "your turn (you play) are essential in making turn taking seem and feel more concrete to the child.
6) Empathy. Sharing and turn taking requires a certain degree of empathy and the emotions associated with it. Children with autism who are mostly already having difficulty understanding and expressing their own emotion might thus find the needs and wants of others irrelevant.
7) The idea of possession. Why do I have to pass my toy to another boy? It is my toy!
8) Thus rigidity might be the issue as well - "Mum packed the cookies for me, not for anyone else. It is wrong to let other people eat them because they are for me".
There are more than the above reasons as to why children with autism do not share or turn take. It is often fundamental to observe the child very closely so as to identify the causes of such behaviour. It is also important to not label a child as "selfish" or "greedy" just because he is unwilling to share or turn take. All of us as we were growing up learn or were taught to share and turn take one way or another, directly by adults or indirectly by circumstances. Thus children with autism are no exception in that they too need to be taught how to, although the lessons may need to be modified at times.
Next post (jump to post by clicking here), I shall suggests some ideas and strategies for teaching turn taking and to encourage sharing. If you do have any counts and suggestions before that, please email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.
Children with autism often find difficulty sharing and taking turns.
Why is it that children with autism (or even children in general) have difficulty understanding the process of turn taking?
1) It could just be a phase of growing up. Not just children with autism but most children in general may not see the necessity of waiting for something that they want - "if you want something, just take it". The ego of a child does not consider the feelings of others no matter how one may reason with them. This is just a phase of growing up developmentally for children. but this does not mean that we let it be, dismissing the behaviour as something that could right itself over time. the right behaviour should be shaped over time so that the child does not fall into the habit of not wanting to share or turn take because all this while nobody has taught her the importance of doing so.
2) The child is too impatient to delay gratification. This is sort of like the above reason but the child has grown out the stage of not wanting to share and turn take by now. At this stage, the child has developed a habit of instantly having what they want as they learned that they can get what they want if they want.
3) Sharing and turn taking are very abstract ideas. If I give my toy to another boy, will I be able to get it back if I want to? how long do I have to wait until I get my toy back?
4) Because the concepts of sharing and turn taking are abstract for the child, she finds little to no meaning in sharing. Also as children with autism usually do not find social interaction intrinsically rewarding or outwardly exciting, sharing and turn taking become of lesser value to them as compared to having their favourite toys all to themselves.
5) Thus turn taking is a concept that requires certain prerequisites to make it meaningful for the child. Learning to wait and understanding the theory of "my turn (I play)" versus "your turn (you play) are essential in making turn taking seem and feel more concrete to the child.
6) Empathy. Sharing and turn taking requires a certain degree of empathy and the emotions associated with it. Children with autism who are mostly already having difficulty understanding and expressing their own emotion might thus find the needs and wants of others irrelevant.
7) The idea of possession. Why do I have to pass my toy to another boy? It is my toy!
8) Thus rigidity might be the issue as well - "Mum packed the cookies for me, not for anyone else. It is wrong to let other people eat them because they are for me".
There are more than the above reasons as to why children with autism do not share or turn take. It is often fundamental to observe the child very closely so as to identify the causes of such behaviour. It is also important to not label a child as "selfish" or "greedy" just because he is unwilling to share or turn take. All of us as we were growing up learn or were taught to share and turn take one way or another, directly by adults or indirectly by circumstances. Thus children with autism are no exception in that they too need to be taught how to, although the lessons may need to be modified at times.
Next post (jump to post by clicking here), I shall suggests some ideas and strategies for teaching turn taking and to encourage sharing. If you do have any counts and suggestions before that, please email me at davensim@triumphantkids.com.
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